Marilyn: Meaning To Please

Meaning to go to bed early, meaning to please:
Drinking and loving, laughing, then sleep …
Then – Why?
Why do they always say … why? when I …
Just one cigarette … He … why, when I …?
It’s me!

Is it four yet? Four. Must sleep, must –
Oh, God, I
have to be there, be Marilyn … Sleep.

Where are they?! He didn’t – ?! No, they’re –
Come on
open, damn you – someone’s
Ah … If I don’t – just two – no, three – no, four.
Meaning to please.

Like in The Crucible.
You know …
A crucible’s a bowl they heat stuff up in
white hot, and it
changes into what they want
from what they don’t want,
not any more.
All gone.
Not changed, not there any more –
white, ugly,
blistering, bubbling,
gone.

You know,
down the coast a while, women cross themselves,
old women cross themselves when
they see me,
and crazies shout, they shout
“Jezebel!” I –
I don’t mind, I –
She was – I read it – painted, growing old too,
“Painted!” “Harlot!”
they called her, but
she’d been beautiful, so very beautiful
the king himself, the young king –
like Cinderella – then
when they killed him, they … she …

“Idol!” they shout.
I used to think they were, you know,
workers shouting “idle”,
felt ashamed a bit, then shouted back at one
“What time did you start work this morning?”
“Idol, idol!” he screamed,
“Those hundred-foot-wide breasts shall be
cast down into the dust and trampled underfoot
and you cast into Hell!”

I sometimes think
I’m in the crucible already.

Don’t be frightened. I –

Frightened? Why
should I be frightened? At worst
you are only a man. You are only a dream,
a young man in a dream.

Or are you one of the sneerers? My husband
likes me plump. I’m not plump now though …
You’re a regular dream …
Before you
I only ever dreamt of people I know.

I know you – of you – of course –
Know all your films, so my dream –
This is not your dream. Come closer …
Here – you’re real, see? Wait!
How did you get in?
How do you get in every night?

It isn’t night, it’s afternoon
And you were sleeping there –

Am sleeping here –

No, in my dream!
You’re always sleeping there beside the pool
And always I come through the water
Through the sun shining on the water, and I
stop here and gaze.
It’s always afternoon.

In the dream.
It’s always night in fact.
In the life I’m living it is always morning
And I asleep.

In bed?

In bed –
asleep at last. And you?

I – I don’t know.

I’m dreaming you – a real you. You’re
soft and cold …
and wet and warm …
Well, if I’m going to dream you
I might as well dream you properly.
Come on …

Meaning to go to bed early. Meaning to please.

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